There are things that break your self-esteem more easily than others. The ball-breakers of self-esteem. Here are some common esteem breakers:
Not being creative
Saying yes when you really want to say no
Being a general doormat in your life
Not being present in your relationship
Not to mention killing, violence, hurting others, destroying what others value.
So when you are in pain and you really want that cigarette, how do you stop yourself ad keep your self-esteem in tact. How do you get past things that are really hard?
Some people join a group, get a sponsor, and use them. Some people distract themselves, some people pray, or go for something inspiring. There is a way to temporarily stop the esteem-breaking behaviour.
But the most powerful way is to feel the pain, embrace it or honor it, make a place for it. I know you just want it to go away, so you numb it out. You just want to get away from it. But when you are done with that bag of cookies, it’s still there.
You can make a choice to deal with your pain and issues while keeping your self-esteem in tack. While doing the right thing. It’s a harder choice in some ways, but it is the most direct way to your goal.
You started smoking for a reason, you gained weight for a reason. When you decide to deal with the reason, rather than the reaction; with the cause, rather than the symptom; your true transformation begins.
You’ve decided that you want to lose weight. You want this. You think about it every day. It’s important to you for many reasons.
You know that to lose weight, you need to practice good eating habits, make the right food choices most of the time and have good portion control. You need to live a healthy lifestyle, exercise regularly and take care of yourself by getting enough sleep and managing your stress. These habits allow you to successfully reach your goals and maintain them.
So you’ve set these goals for yourself and you’ve decided how you want accomplish them. You decided what your good eating habits look like.
So what happens if today, you don’t eat right, you make bad food choices? You eat foods that don’t support your weight loss and may even sabotage it.
You then feel bad about yourself because you did something wrong. You feel guilty, ashamed, and angry that you didn’t follow through.
Why is it important to do what you say you want to do?
Well you want to reach your goals of course, but more important is that when you make decisions that go against what you really want, you feel bad. You feel bad about yourself.
When you make a bad or a wrong choice, you then have to go through the regret and upset, recover from it and get back on track if you can. Getting back on track can be hard, as you know.
Or you rationalize or deny the bad choice and tell yourself that it wasn’t so bad. It’s not a big deal. You will do better tomorrow. But underneath you feel bad about yourself whether you admit it or not.
And rationalizing can lead to numbing out and producing more bad choices. A vicious cycle is created and you fail. And worse, you feel like a failure.
That’s your self-esteem. When you feel bad because you made a bad choice, it’s like taking a hammer and banging your self-esteem into the ground.
When you do the right thing, you feel good about yourself. You raise your self-esteem. And of course, it’s you who decide what that right thing is and you who know when you aren’t doing it.
Self-esteem has to be earned by you – from you! It’s earned by doing the right thing, even when nobody is looking and even when it’s really, really hard. And believe me, sometimes it’s really, really hard to do the right thing. Ultimately though, it feels really, really good when you do the right thing, especially when it was a struggle and so tempting not to.
You need self-esteem to meet goals, especially those that change and transform you, and you need self-esteem to create great habits and sustain them. Self-esteem is a key component in changing anything.
True lasting change never happens by feeling bad or beating yourself up. It happens by making choices and creating habits that make you feel good about yourself, that raise your self-esteem. Lasting change only happens through positive motivation (such as love, healing, esteem, compassion, forgiveness, hope).
Self-esteem is about having character. It’s character that you use to apply your principles and values in your daily life.
You know the difference between right and wrong because you decided for yourself what is right and wrong for you.
When you live by the principles you set for yourself, you build character and raise your self-esteem.
Self-esteem – holding yourself in the highest possible esteem is key to successful and sustainable change in any area of your life, including weight loss.
Eating the right foods, having portion control and living a healthy lifestyle in a regular and sustainable way comes from good self-esteem. It really does!
The good news is that self-esteem can be built. You can earn esteem from yourself. Truly there is no other way to get self-esteem but to earn it from yourself – by repeatedly doing what you believe is right. And you value yourself enough to give yourself what you really want and deserve out of life.
Before you act, ask yourself are you doing the right thing? You will know. There is no right way to do the wrong thing. When you do what’s right, I guarantee you; your self-esteem will grow higher and higher. You will feel good about yourself, you will gain confidence and meet your goals.